A waif of a figure, a small teenage girl, emerges, dressed in black. Although she looks small, she carries the authority of leadership, of a woman prepared to face up to the enemy;Joan of Arc;

"Bon Soir, GLASGOW THEESTLE, at theese moment I am preparing to take on the arch enemy. I respect the qualities of these Rangers, but there is one who stands out above all as the leader. I vow now that when I go into battle I will not shave my armpits until the battle is won, and Barcelona is ours. For me, the greatest Ranger of all is JOHN GREIG. By the way, if anyone wants to buy my exercise videos they can visit my web site at www.bunsofsteel.com"  The only army I ever wanted to fight for

 Joan leaves the stage, and Ted continues his introductions. "Hey Glasgow Moathouse. Next on the bill this evening is one scary dude. We all hated him when he represented outer Mongolia, but now that we get to know him, maybe he's not so bad after all. Give it up for the meanest Dude in history, the man who took on the world, Genghis Khan !!!!!!"

A figure emerges, looking ferocious with long hair and beard, clutching a baseball bat, and wearing a shell suit. There is a commotion in the audience as some rabid Mongolians attempt to storm the stage. Genghis Khan growls loudly, and quietens the crowd. "It's not easy being the first leader of the marauding hordes pillaging and looting our way across Asia, but people don't realise my contribution to history. Every time after that when a vicious leader attempted to take over surrounding lands, people would say 'at least he's no Ghenghis Khan'. Besides, I didn't half wind up the Mongolians. My favourite player ? Maurice Johnston. A man of character. A leader of men. A man with the a guest book that looks just like mine. By the way, anyone want to buy some shell suits ?"

With that, Genghis Khan decapitates some Mongolians, and heads back to the smoke. Ted comes to the front. "GENGHIS KHAN, ladies and gentlemen. One more time, take a bow Genghis." Some roadies appear and set up the kit for the next speaker.

The Rangers manager comtemplates a substitution As they leave, the stage is filled with a model of a battlefield, and French and opposing troops. A short figure, carrying the insignia of a French general, and wearing a large hat, steps forward. With the aid of the model, the General shows his mastery of strategy. "Nous gagnons la batteille avec le water-slide" he claims, pointing to a plastic object weaving through the field of play. But as he removes a defensive division, and moves them into the enemy lines, his hat slips off, revealing a perfect head of hair.

 The crowd gasps. This is no Bonaparte ! A fourth official appears from the side of the stage, and attempts to remove the impostor He is last seen barking out orders and wagging his finger at the fourth official..

Ted introduces the next (and last speaker). "Ladies and gentlemen. This next dude you all know from your banknotes. We are pleased to present to you tonight....Abraham Lincoln !!!" A bearded man comes to the front. He is wearing dark clothes and a top hat. He starts to speak. Sternly. "four score years ago a man came to our club who would win more than any other manager. He came with two well-worn phrases. "No man is greater than the club" is something which is even more important to remember today. And his other edict ? "PARTY ON DUDES !!!".

With that the crowd goes crazy, dry ice covers the stage, the historical figures squeeze back into their phone box, and a tall dude dressed in a leather coat calls over. "RU-FUS" sings the crowd in unison, "There's only one Rufus"

"Boys, Congratulations, you pass the exams and you don't go to boot camp. It's time to go."

"Hey Rufus, hows it going time-travelling dude ? Why are you helping us here ? " asks Ted.

 "Well boys, remember when we went to Leverkausen ? well, that was the future, and we need you to succeed here and continue the job."

 "Sure, Rufus", says Ted. "But what about this Dick Dude ?" (Credits and music)

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